As March Madness winds down, men everywhere are looking forward to the new baseball season, which is just getting into full swing. What most men don’t know is that their penis (!) may actually have some fortune-telling ability when it comes to which teams will still be going strong come October. The art of penis predictions does not have the same, lengthy history as tarot card reading or fortune telling; as a matter of fact, it was only created last summer after a couple of guys threw back a few too many brews while watching a really lousy game of baseball. That said, it may be the only method of looking into the future that involves sex, so it could catch on big time. OK, OK, the point of the information here is really more about penis health than baseball, but enjoy the run-up anyway, and follow the tips at the end of the article for a stronger, healthier manhood.


Readers would be well advised to take all that follows with a grain of salt and a healthy sense of humor.


So far, the practice of predicting the future by way of the penis has a select group of practitioners - two, to be exact. (At least, only two who will admit to it.) It also, for some reason, has thus far been restricted to making predictions only about aspects of the future that somehow involve baseball. This may merely a limitation of the experiences, knowledge base, imaginations and interests of the two practitioners.

How it works

Basically, the manner in which a penis reacts to baseball-related stimuli can provide a window into the near future. For example:

  • A practitioner is watching a baseball game in his home on TV. (This is necessary because proper predicting requires the practitioner to be nude, which is frowned upon at most ball parks and sports bars.) As the first batter approaches the plate, the man gets a sudden, massive erection. This indicates that the batter will knock one clear over the centerfield wall - which is something that the practitioner failed to do last night in bed.
  • As the second batter approaches the plate, the practitioner’s erection wilts. Although he furiously tugs on it with all his might, it remains soft and flaccid. This indicates that the batter will strike out in a big way - which again mirrors what happened to the practitioner in bed last night.
  • With the third batter, the practitioner’s penis jumps to attention again, but after just a stroke or two, it ejaculates wildly. This indicates that the batter will get a hit but be called out at first. Again, the practitioner has failed to get to first base more times than he can count.
  • Later in the game, the practitioner notices that his testicles have shrunken in upon themselves, creating a tense, knotty feeling. This indicates that the pitcher plans a knuckleball. A moment later, the practitioner’s penis becomes firm, but is bending noticeably to one side: obviously, the pitcher is intending to throw a curveball next.

These examples have involved a practitioner in a solo situation. Sometimes, however, the penis provides predictions in a more social situation in which the game is not actively being watched.

For example, occasionally one of the practitioners has had actual sexual relations (with another person, rather than with his own hand) and was so thankful that he skipped watching the baseball game which was on. On these occasions, however, his penis still showed remarkable predictive powers. For example:

  • When his penis was initiating physical contact, it clearly predicted that one of the baseball players would slide into home.
  • When the practitioner amazed himself by rising to the occasion and successfully penetrating a second time, his penis was signaling an upcoming double play by the home team.
  • On a separate occasion, when the lady he was with responded to him suggestively displaying his penis by pouring a glass of water on it and storming out, his penis declared that the baseball game would be called on account of rain.

The practice of penis predictions may never catch on, and that wouldn’t really be such a bad thing. What can be a bad thing is for a man to ignore basic penis care. In addition to good hygiene, proper penis care should include the daily use of a superior penis nutrient cream (health professionals recommend Man 1 Man Oil). A cream with acetyl L carnitine can help avoid peripheral penis nerve injury which can otherwise have a damaging effect on penis sensitivity. If the cream also include alpha lipoic acid, the two ingredients will have a synergistic effect in keeping penis cells healthy.