Societal messages about men and sex are often unfair and inaccurate. What’s more, they can be damaging. The portrayal of men as thoughtless sex drones denies a large portion of men’s sexual realities, part of which includes insecurity. Obtaining sexual health involves addressing insecurities, but, within a society that pretends men shouldn’t have any, even taking the first step of acknowledging them can be difficult. Here, men are encouraged rather to face reality with acceptance. Learn about the following common sexual insecurities men have, and some helpful tips for managing them.

Am I finishing too soon?

Porn tells men they should last for an hour or more. But this expectation is highly unrealistic, particularly if sexual activity is fairly consistent (i.e. without a bunch of breaks). The average man only lasts for a few minutes of continual pumping. So if a heated bout "only" lasts five minutes, that’s totally normal.

If couples want to extend playtime, breaking up the pumping with position changes and by switching here and there to different activities, such as oral sex or using sex toys on a partner, may help. But the idea that men should be able to thrust away for lengthy periods of time is simply a misconception.

Am I taking too long?

Some men have the opposite concern from that above - and some men have both! Talk about mixed messages. If a man is taking some time to finish, there are two things he can try to abate his anxiety: 1) Make sure his partner is enjoying the time (more on that below), and 2) understand that orgasm doesn’t always have to be part of sex. Sometimes, a man may simply grow exhausted during sex. If it’s been a particularly lengthy or rough session, his manhood may be getting tender, and the discomfort could inhibit ejaculation. And that’s okay.

Am I tiring out too quickly?

All men are supposed to be brawny enough to accomplish Herculean feats, right? No. If the man has been in charge of most of the muscle work during sex and starts to grow tired, there’s no shame in taking a rest or asking one’s partner to get on top for a bit. Of course, it’s generally advisable to maintain good muscular and cardiovascular health. If a man is panting uncontrollably and trembling after a minute of moderate physical activity, he should take it as a sign that he needs to improve his health.

Is she enjoying it?

A huge favor men can do themselves is to turn questions like "Is she enjoying it?" and "Am I doing this right?" into "Do you like this?" and "What would you like me to do?" Take the mystery out of it. Give her what she wants by asking what that is.

Did she finish?

Again, ask! And let her know one doesn’t expect the answer to be yes. Don’t feel embarrassed - it can be difficult to tell moans and writhing associated with sexual pleasure from orgasmic moans and writhing. If she says no, a man can ask if she’d like him to do something in particular to help get her there.

Is my penis big enough?

Unless a man has a micropenis - a medical condition in which penis size negatively impacts a man’s ability to have sex - then yes, his penis is big enough.

The above sexual insecurities can hold a man back in his sex life, and a couple back from having the most fulfilling sex possible. What’s more, sex is good for the health of the penis. Other steps men can take to boost penile wellness are using lubricant during sexual activities and applying a penis health crème (health professionals recommend Man1 Man Oil) daily. Man1 Man Oil contains Shea butter and vitamin E, which are two moisturizers that can protect the skin from chafing that often results from the frictions of sex. Keep the skin healthy and the manhood ready for the next romp with a quality penis health crème.